Tuesday, March 17, 2009

I had a couple of people ask what inspired my story and if I could give a them a hint as to what it was about. Okay, not a couple, a ton. I know my blog is a bit vague, as am I. The truth is, there's a part of me most people don't know, a part I like to keep private or maybe its a part I'm ashamed of. I'd like to tell people my story is inspirational, or even uplifting, but tonight as I sit here, I decided I can't continue to hide who I really am just so others will accept me. The truth is, my story is about a darkness, that has haunted me every since I was a little girl. I can't remember the last time I actually slept without waking to a scream or my heart pounding through my chest as I thank God for letting me wake. I'd like to say there's an underlying reason for my nightmares, at least then I would understand. But, there isn't, its just the hand I have been given so, here's how I decided to play it. I created Twains Meet. I have to give a big thanks (even though they'll probably never know) to Queensryche, for all the inspirational music I played while writing, its a Mind Crime thing. Sure, I listened to other stuff but this group has been a part of my life for so long-nothing gets to me like the sound of Geoff Tate's voice-wonderful singer! And yet again, I remain vague as to the storyline. Sorry, maybe tomorrow.

Friday, March 6, 2009

I'm in the process of editing my story for the final time before sending out my queries to potential agents. Creating a story for the first time was such an amazing journey. The countless hours hovering over my computer seemed to fly by, sleepless nights didn't hinder my focus in any way. I never once asked myself if it was worth it. I just wanted to prove to my children that hard work and perseverance in itself is success; and if you did your best, never bending or saying "Its too hard," or "I'm not as good as them," then the product of your trials is a better you; a "you" you didn't even know existed, and that's when the divinity given to each of us is allowed to grow. I want my boys to see my rejections when they come; and they will. I want them to see how much pain it causes when you think you've done your best and find its not good enough. I want them to see me continue to work hard and struggle, no matter how hard, or how impossible my situation seems to be. Because we all have to experience that , right? There's no "Bail-outs" when it comes to real life. I'm outlining another book; I had already outlined 2 comedies but they didn't have the drive I needed; they felt forced. This new story will be a turning point in my life; an awakening of sorts. "Fallen Mercy" will by far be the hardest project I've ever attempted. I can't wait.